Ron was having a busy morning! He had just finished helping a group of formerly homeless men rewire a house in Southport, Lancashire for the Green Pastures housing ministry. At last he was able to sit down and tuck into a large porkpie and lashings of mustard, washed down with a bottle of tizer. Happy Days! A full-on burp felt on the cards.
Just then the phone rang and Ron was amazed to hear the Geordie tones of an assistant to Cheryl Cole. The young woman was polite but firm. ‘Cheryl has bought a new mansion in Southport and she needs your help, Ron’ was her opening gambit. ‘Cheryl will pay you six grand if you can rewire the mansion in the next two days. It’s easy money for an expert electrician like you. Think it over and get back to me in the next half-hour.’
Ron put the phone down and wasn’t sure if he was ‘over the moon’ or slightly perturbed. Top dollar but there was a snag. He’d worked for Cheryl Cole before and she could be a difficult and demanding customer. Every plug had to be moved two centimetres to the left! Nightmare scenario.
Ron attacked the porkpie with renewed relish. Just then Don Corleone, the Godfather, rang and the opening gambit was predictable. ‘I’m going to make you an offer you can’t refuse!’ the Sicilian mobster croaked. ‘My mansion in Southport is in a deplorable state. The electrics have gone pear-shaped. I’ll pay you six grand if you do the job over the next two days!’
Ron was careful in both his phrasing and intonational sensitivities. ‘Certainly, Godfather, I will mull this over and get back to you within the hour.’ Ron could hear a rotweiler growling down the end of the phone as he rang off.
Again Ron attacked the pie with convivial fervour but the phone rang again. It was Elsie, a rather lonely old lady from across the street. She was clearly distressed and bewildered. She explained that all her fuses had gone and her flat was in complete darkness. She begged Ron to help her in her hour of need.
Ron had fully marinaded in the biblical story and he knew what he had to do. He immediately went round to Elsie’s flat and began to do a superb rewiring job for Elsie. His fuses were always ethically sourced, and how he loved copper wire! They were a joy to him as he went about his provocative calling. When he took a break from his labours he made Elsie cups of tea and spoilt her with delicious Battenburg cake. He realised that the job would take him several days but this job would be his jubilee for Elsie. He had already thought through his crafty kingdom project. He wouldn’t charge Elsie a single penny! This one was on him.
That evening Ron made two important phone calls. He explained to both Cheryl and the Godfather that he was unable to help them with their mansions. He had other far more important work to do. He put the phone down and smiled.